Sophia's Last Judgement

I left the church at thirteen years old, full of fear and guilt. At twenty-one, I still treat myself with the criticism directed at me by the church. I keep judging myself as if I was in a confessional. I can’t help but feel I’m missing out on a community. I can’t help but think I’m selfish for being an individual. I can’t stop obsessively thinking if I’m damned to hell. Guilt, judgment, tension–I keep actively subverting them, comforting them, oppressing them. These dizzying thoughts and criticism can’t be who I am. It is important to me to show that mental health does not neatly fit within Christianity and that the institution and its members are imperfect. I would’ve wanted that validation in childhood, and I now feel equipped to highlight my conflict with the church.